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Dariusz Jemielniak's ABMI - academic body mass index - proposal pokes fun at the seemingly endless metricisation of present-day academia. "Our metrics fetish represents an intellectual capitulation of breathtaking scope. We count obsessively precisely because we’ve forgotten how to recognise quality when it stares us in the face. We are sommeliers who have lost their sense of smell and are judging wine by label font size rather than taste."

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