Overprotective parenting and bullying: Who is to blame for the suicide of Megan Meier?
From Berkman Fellow danah boyd...
Many people have asked me why I have not addressed the Megan Meier story that broke over the last month. I admit that I've been extremely bothered by the stories and the implications of an adult bullying a child through mediating technology. That said, I suspected that the press wasn't telling the full story. Like all coverage of horrible events, the press focused on what made the story juicy rather than trying to paint a complicated picture of what led to the event. I grew up in a town where a teen murder captured everyone's attention (and turned into a made-for-TV movie). It took years and uncountable appeals before we had a decent picture of what actually happened and, during that time, the stories on the street were far different from what the press was covering. Thus, I wanted to wait until I knew more.
For those who are not familiar with the Megan Meier story, let me create a brief overview of what has been commonly covered in the press. Megan (13, St. Louis) had a MySpace profile when a cute boy "Josh" (16) begins courting her. All is well until Josh breaks up with her online by sending cruel messages about how she hurts her friends, is fat and a slut, and "the world would be a better place without you." Shortly after reading this, Megan commits suicide. Josh turns out to be a fake profile created by Lori Drew, the mother of one of Megan's former friends. Police investigate, no charges are filed.
Because the story taps into every parent's worst fear and the paranoia over the internet, the press have been saying all sorts of things. Yet, never was there a response from the woman who admitted to creating Josh, most likely because she was forbidden from speaking out as police work out whether charges are to be filed. Then, this morning, I learned that someone who identifies as Lori Drew posted an explanation on a blog called "megan had it coming". Given the title of the blog, I had serious doubts that this was legitimate but upon reading the post, I think it actually might be.
What we learn is that Lori viewed her acts as protective of her child who she believed was the victim of Megan's dark side. She thought she was teaching Megan a lesson and never imagined the consequences of her efforts to give Megan a taste of her own medicine. Because of earlier incidents involving her daughter, she had no love for Megan and no respect for Megan's parents who she felt were unable to see the dark side of their daughter. Step into this mother's shoes and it's easy to understand her logic and why, from her POV, she took the steps that she did. At the same time, her perspective signals some absolute failures in American society, our ability to rationally communicate, and Lori's inability to imagine potential costs of her decisions.
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Many people have asked me why I have not addressed the Megan Meier story that broke over the last month. I admit that I've been extremely bothered by the stories and the implications of an adult bullying a child through mediating technology. That said, I suspected that the press wasn't telling the full story. Like all coverage of horrible events, the press focused on what made the story juicy rather than trying to paint a complicated picture of what led to the event. I grew up in a town where a teen murder captured everyone's attention (and turned into a made-for-TV movie). It took years and uncountable appeals before we had a decent picture of what actually happened and, during that time, the stories on the street were far different from what the press was covering. Thus, I wanted to wait until I knew more.
For those who are not familiar with the Megan Meier story, let me create a brief overview of what has been commonly covered in the press. Megan (13, St. Louis) had a MySpace profile when a cute boy "Josh" (16) begins courting her. All is well until Josh breaks up with her online by sending cruel messages about how she hurts her friends, is fat and a slut, and "the world would be a better place without you." Shortly after reading this, Megan commits suicide. Josh turns out to be a fake profile created by Lori Drew, the mother of one of Megan's former friends. Police investigate, no charges are filed.
Because the story taps into every parent's worst fear and the paranoia over the internet, the press have been saying all sorts of things. Yet, never was there a response from the woman who admitted to creating Josh, most likely because she was forbidden from speaking out as police work out whether charges are to be filed. Then, this morning, I learned that someone who identifies as Lori Drew posted an explanation on a blog called "megan had it coming". Given the title of the blog, I had serious doubts that this was legitimate but upon reading the post, I think it actually might be.
What we learn is that Lori viewed her acts as protective of her child who she believed was the victim of Megan's dark side. She thought she was teaching Megan a lesson and never imagined the consequences of her efforts to give Megan a taste of her own medicine. Because of earlier incidents involving her daughter, she had no love for Megan and no respect for Megan's parents who she felt were unable to see the dark side of their daughter. Step into this mother's shoes and it's easy to understand her logic and why, from her POV, she took the steps that she did. At the same time, her perspective signals some absolute failures in American society, our ability to rationally communicate, and Lori's inability to imagine potential costs of her decisions.
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