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Jordan 11 Playoffs 2012 Emotional Intimacy
tional intimacy is hard to define, but I think we all know when it is happening in a relationship.
I feel pleasure/gratitude/happiness/contentment/desire, ect. when I think of my beloved, and the words in my thoughts reflect those feelings.
When I feel distant/resentful/angry/hurt/contempt, ect,Jordan 11 Bred. the words in my thoughts reflect those feelings.
In the latter case, I often find myself including "You", "should", "ought", which are blaming and accusatory in my self talk,jordan 11 breds Christmas deals 2012, or my thoughts if you will.
So there is certainly a need for me to regulate my own inner self-talk and feeling states to sustain emotional intimacy.
When I create those thoughts, and the feelings of affiliation and cooperation follow inside me, it is much easier to reach out to my partner, in ways that are pleasing to her.
I Create Emotional Intimacy? Shouldn't I just Receive It?
You can receive emotional intimacy when you signal for it. Even newborns signal for attention, although they get it freely passed to them by doting parents, but even that becomes less frequent as time passes.
When I get an invitation from my wife to connect, it is usually verbal.
I may get a request or even an order, and I have a decision to make about my response, which needs to happen fast, perhaps twice as fast as I can blink my eyes.
If I do not think about my response, my limbic brain may offer an emotionally driven response of irritation,Jordan 11 Playoffs 2012, which diminishes the pleasant kind of emotional intimacy.
If I get an invitation from my wife for emotional intimacy, I want to be in the habit of responding from a belief stored in my brain about gratitude, and even heart based affiliation and cooperation,jordan 11 bred 2012, so that I can be playful and affectionate.
My partner thinks that our connection should be more important than my schedule, and she has a point.
But for our purposes emotional intimacy begins in my head, and I need to make a decision about how I am going to handle invitations for intimacy and how I am going to invite intimacy.
There are some excellent models out there who have offered us models for doing that, including John and Julie-Scwartze Gottman, Robert and Helen who has been studying romantic love most recently, and has created a blue print which just might reduce the uncertainty in the romantic love arena.
John has been following couples who have naturally mastered the art of intimacy. He calls them the Masters of Marriage, and it appears that they have some behaviors which can be learned, practiced, and duplicated by any couple.
The Gottman's have put together a home workshop for folks who cannot travel to the "love lab" where they can be watched vary carefully by the Gottman team.
I have used the workshop with my domestic violence clients, and those couples are often amazed that emotional intimacy needs to be attended to and practiced.
Oftentimes, they are under the sway of the Disney model, and are waiting for the Fairy Godmother to make Happily Ever After happen without any effort on the part of the participants, sort of like a newborn who will make a lot of disturbing noise to get needs met.
OK, so emotional intimacy begins in my head, when I decide to invite a connection with my wife, or to respond to one.
She invites much more often than I so I need to understand that, and be ready to respond, and I also need to extend some invitations on my own, such as a request for a walk around the park.
Emotional intimacy takes regular effort, and Robert Epstein,Ph.D. has some suggestions for exercises that we can do, like what he calls soul gazing, where you spend a couple of minutes looking into your partners eyes in an attempt to see their soul.
Folks who do this report a tremendous leap in feelings of closeness.
Epstein also suggests other exe
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